What NOT to Say to a Teacher Leaving the Profession (and What to Say Instead)

The influence of a good teacher can never be erased.

I know they mean well, but when you’re in that fragile stage of your transition out of teaching where your self-preservation is trying to stifle your guilt and your courage is frequently submitting to your doubts, the words you hear matter. If you’re wanting to be supportive of a teacher who has made the decision to leave the classroom, please consider the following:

“It will be a loss for the kids.”

Why It’s Hard to Hear

Teacher guilt is REAL. All you have to do is listen to a group of teachers talk for a few minutes to get a sense of its depth. We speak of our kids, even years after they have moved on. We worry about their well-being and often take on roles of counselor or social worker. If we have to be out, we stress over how they’re doing with a substitute in the room. So walking away from teaching feels like we’re abandoning the kids.

What to Say Instead

You have made a difference for so many students. I know that your influence will live on in the kids you have taught.

If It’s Said to You

Two things can be true at once. It can be a loss for the kids AND right for you at the same time.

“But you’re so good at it.”

Why It’s Hard to Hear

This is hard to hear on two levels. First, teaching feels like such a specialized skill and we’re afraid that we can’t do anything else (even though this is complete hogwash). Secondly, it feels dismissive of our interests and potential. We’re all good at certain things, but that does not mean we are fated to do only those things.

What to Say Instead

You have been a good teacher and I know that you’ll be able to apply your skills and talents to a new endeavor.

If It’s Said to You

They are telling you that they know you are a good and dedicated teacher. Perhaps they are remembering some of the influential ones they had and comparing you to them.

“But we need teachers.”

Why It’s Hard to Hear

Trust me, we KNOW this. We see firsthand what happens when there is a lack of quality educators. And that’s a problem with the system and its demands. Most likely, we’ve put more and more on ourselves to try to fix the cracks, but we’re breaking under the load.

What to Say Instead

Don’t say, DO. Vote for people and policies that truly support education (not just put money in the hands of the testing companies). Listen to educators speak about their experience and don’t believe that your time as a student makes you an expert. Stand up for teachers when we’re demonized in the media or conversation. Support the teachers that your children have.

If It’s Said to You

Repeat to yourself, “You can’t fix the system.” And then, once you leave, make sure that you’re doing what you can to improve the system.

“You won’t get your summers off.”

Why It’s Hard to Hear

I. Am. So. Tired. of hearing some version of this. There are two elements of this that enrage teachers. First, we are not “off” for long. There is never enough time during the school year to prepare or to do (often required and uncompensated) continuing education, so that’s what we’re doing during the summer. Secondly, you know that quote, “My goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from?” Well, my goal is a have a career that I don’t need a summer to recover from.

What to Say Instead

That will be interesting for you to no longer have a schedule dictated by the school calendar.

If It’s Said to You

If their only experience of school is as a student, they really don’t understand how much is done behind the scenes for those few hours in front of the class. This is why it’s so important to have some educators or prior educators to talk to. I bet they will be sending you a text in October, “I KNOW you don’t miss this crazy month at school!”

“You know, every job has its hard parts.”

Why It’s Hard to Hear

We’re not idiots; we KNOW that no job is perfection on a platter. We’re leaving because the hard parts of this job are no longer mitigated by the good or because we recognize that we need to prioritize our well-being.

What to Say Instead

How do you anticipate this new career being different than teaching?

If It’s Said to You

Be honest with yourself about your expectations with this shift. Yes, some of what has been all-encompassing with teaching will be left behind, but other job-related hardships may come in and you’re still bringing your natural tendencies with you (anyone else an anxiety-driven overachiever?)

“Can you handle the real world?”

Why It’s Hard to Hear

The classroom IS the real world. Everything that exists in society makes its way into our four walls. We may not be building widgets, but we are building the future.

What to Say Instead

What will you miss about teaching and what are you happy to leave behind?

If It’s Said to You

Remember that in the “real world,” you can pee whenever you want.

Lesson of the Day

Sometimes the most confident people have the least amount of talent. Don’t be too intimidated by them.

Frustration of the Day

I do my best work early in the morning, but my computer is as slow as an arthritic 80-year-old in the a.m.

Win of the Day

I remembered to import Numpy to make a task easier. Work smarter, not harder:)

Current Standing on the Imposter Syndrome Scale

3/5

Dealing With Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is not a sign you’re doing something wrong; it’s a sign you’re doing something different.

I spent some time this morning journaling about self-doubt. And since this is a common reaction during periods of change, I decided to share my thoughts with you –

• Self-doubt is a normal, natural and expected part of any transition.
• It is temporary and it’s worst at the beginning when there is more planning/expectation and less progress/action.
• Be careful not to feed your self-doubt. I have noticed that mine is fed through certain Facebook groups, information that feels overwhelming and conversations with people that either dismiss or amplify my anxieties (it feels best when people both hear my fear and also express their belief in me). I need to consciously limit my exposure to these, especially when I’m feeling more doubt.
• Fears WILL change over time. What seems the scariest right now will become less intimidating and then new fears will emerge. Again, normal.
• Hard is not impossible. We teach this to kids all the time. We may be older and more set in our ways, but the concept still applies. Besides, anything worthwhile in life takes effort.
• What real evidence do you have to support your self-doubt? Probably less than you initially think.
• What other times did you experience self-doubt? How long did it last? What did you do right to get through it? How do you feel about that scenario now? I reflected back on when I first started teaching (which was terrifying). The self-doubt built as I finished my degree and I went through the first few months of teaching feeling like an imposter. I did quite a bit right – I had mentors, I listened to lots of advice (and generally tried it to see if it fit before deciding if I should keep or discard it), I gathered an abundance of information, I made connections and I kept going. Now, teaching is automatic and I feel extremely confident in any related environment.
• Take it slowly. It’s an elephant. Don’t choke.
• Seriously, take it one day at a time.
• After all, it’s not like you have a choice in that.
• Unless you can go into suspended animation and awake only when the transition is over??? (If anyone knows how to do this, please message me.)
• List your skills and strengths that are going to help you through this. And no, self-doubt is not a strength.
• Confidence building will be important critical. What makes you feel confident? For me, I need a combination of things that get me out of my head (exercise, I’m looking at you!), things I’m good at and things that make me feel more secure.
• Unplug. Take a break. Step away. Pushing all the time doesn’t make you stronger. It makes you tired.
• This is exciting!!! No, really. That feeling in your stomach? That’s enthusiasm, not dread. You have an opportunity to learn, to grow, to challenge assumptions. You are entering a new world. It’s time to explore.
• It’s an adventure. Be curious about what might lie around the next corner.
• Self-doubt is not a stop sign. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It’s only a sign that you’re doing something different.
• Big rewards only come from risk.
• Besides, things change no matter what. Isn’t it nice when you at least get to have some say in them?
• You got this.
• No, really. You do.
• Your self-doubt is kind of like that bitchy girl back in middle school who puts everyone else down because deep inside, she’s really insecure. Your self-doubt is speaking from its own fears, not your limitations.
• One day, you will feel comfortable and confident about this and wonder why you were so silly with all this angst.
• You. Got. This. (and I do too)

Originally published on my blog, Lessons From the End of a Marriage.

Lesson of the Day

When I’m feeling discouraged, it’s helpful to go back at look at an earlier lesson that was hard for me at the time. It’s so easy to get caught up in what I don’t know yet that I forget what’s I’ve learned.

Frustration of the Day

Why can’t this array that I’m trying to slice read my mind??? I mean, of COURSE my code is correct and something is just buggy with the program, right?:) Maybe if I just press “run” again…

Win of the Day

I saw a data science joke on Twitter. I got it:)

Current Standing on the Imposter Syndrome Scale

3/5

Combating Teacher Guilt

Teachers aren’t in it for the income; they’re in it for the outcome.

A teacher is like a candle. It consumes itself to light others.

With quotes like that, it’s no wonder that many teachers (myself included) feel immense guilt at leaving the classroom.

We KNOW it’s an important job. We KNOW we’re making a difference. And so when we realize that it’s no longer a good fit for us, there is a great deal of tension between wanting to help others and wanting to help ourselves.

Once I realized that my guilt about leaving was one of the stumbling blocks keeping me from being able to move forward, I made a list.

Things I Don’t Need to Feel Guilty About

• Not giving ALL of myself to my work. It’s okay to not be 100% about my job 100% of the time.

• Wanting to earn money that correlates to the time and energy I put in. I have value and it’s okay to ask for that.

• Walking away from teaching (I’m no good to anyone if I break down). Just because I’m good at it does not mean I’m stuck with it.

• Becoming a statistic. I may have made it past the five-year mark before which many teachers leave, but I’m short of retirement. And that’s okay. It’s not up to me to shore up a system that has many cracks.

• Leaving a “good” situation. Just because I have it better than many does not mean it is right for me.

Lesson of the Day

I need to remember that I can assign variables as I do an operation. For example, with a two-word string:

word_one, word_two = str.split()

Frustration of the Day

I’m on the last day of a four-day weekend. It’s been nice to have the time and mental energy to practice coding. It’s frustrating being too worn out after work to learn anything of significance.

Win of the Day

I know a person who is starting a master’s program in data science, and they asked ME for resources! Considering I spend pretty much all of my time in this space feeling like a bumbling idiot, it feels good (and weird!) to be asked anything.

Current Standing on the Imposter Syndrome Scale

3/5

Leap of Faith

Letting go is scary. We grasp onto what we know. Some of the best places can only be reached by taking a leap of faith.

It’s actually happening.

After 20 years in the classroom and just over one year since I coded my first, “Hello World,” I’ve taken the first concrete steps towards a new career in data science.

I’m excited.

I’m scared.

I’m exhausted.

(Are there any pandemic-era teachers who aren’t?)

In many ways, this change has been years in the making. I’ve been restless and somewhat frustrated with teaching for a long time. The ever-increasing demands and seemingly endless needs of my students have kept me in a permanently half-drained state and the constant meddling by politicians has left me angry.

(Anybody who dictates educational policy should be mandated to be IN a school in an authentic – i.e. NOT a dog-and-pony show – way every. single. year.)

But it’s hard to leave.

I LOVE the kids. That feeling when a student works so hard and finally gets it? There is nothing like it in this world. That pride you feel when you see them grow and find their voice? It’s simply the best. When you know that you’ve helped a student to believe in themselves just a little more than they did in August? It’s the most fulfilling feeling ever.

It’s also scary to leave what I know. Between my own education and my teaching career, I’ve spent my life in the classroom. I am master of this domain. Will I make it out of the classroom? Am I even capable of doing other things? My degrees and all of my experience are focused in one direction. It’s become a fixed position and learning to turn my attention elsewhere has felt foreign and frightening.

One of my closest friends, who is a teacher herself, says that teaching is like the mafia, you have to die in order to get out. It can certainly feel that way between the institutionalization, the rigid start and stop to the school year and the persistent background hum of society that routinely demoralizes teachers. (How fast we went from being idolized to being demonized after Covid!)

I knew I wanted out, but I didn’t know where to go. Everything I looked into felt like I was running away from the classroom instead of running towards something that I wanted to pursue. I decided to spend my winter break of 2019 really digging in to what I wanted, where my skills were and what fears were holding me back.

I bought a journal with “Believe you can and you’re halfway there” emblazoned on its cover. I sought out a small, cozy coffeeshop and curled up by the window (remember the days when we could do that???). I started writing.

I wrote out what I loved about teaching, the opportunities teaching has provided for me, why I needed a change, what my ideal job would look like, why I don’t need to feel guilty for doing this and my fears (along with some words to directly challenge those doubts). I finished by setting a timeline, with goals for each of the next few months.

Later that day, I was idly scrolling through Facebook when an ad caught my eye – it was a promotion for a data science bootcamp through Flatiron. I paused my scroll and thought back to an article that I had read about data science in preparation for the statistics unit I teach. The description of the field left me feeling a little regretful when I saw it the previous year because it sounded so interesting, yet seemed so out of reach (there is NO way I am going back to do another master’s degree!).

But a bootcamp?

Now, that sounded doable.

Lesson of the Day

In Python, the str.title() method misbehaves with contractions (aren’t changes to Aren’T). To get around this, iterate through each word in the string and use str.capitalize() instead.

Frustration of the Day

I’m 8 weeks out from a Covid infection and I’m still dealing with some brain fog. As a result, I have not been able to have the sustained focus needed to complete the DataQuest module that I am on.

Win of the Day

While working on a CodeWars challenge, I implemented a lambda function without even thinking about it. Lambdas were the concept that made me hit a wall in my pre-bootcamp work. Learning IS happening:)

Current Standing on the Imposter Syndrome Scale

3/5